Dear Celebrity Moms,

Pictured: Mariah Carey and unknown American Hero, the nanny of her twins.

Hi! Big fan of your work. I’m thrilled to see more and more high profile moms talk about the realities of having a child - the sleeplessness, the discomfort, the ambivalence and even the postpartum mental health issues. Whether we like to admit it or not, mothers like you who are in the public eye help contribute to what we non-celebs consider normal. The discussion around the make-believeness of social media is now relatively open and it’s becoming and easier and easier to remind ourselves that famous mothers have glam squads and access to treatments we don’t necessarily have. Personally, I love when a celebrity admits to having plastic surgery, especially post baby. I think it helps other mothers see that the “post baby bod” is not only a ridiculous ideal, but something that can’t really be achieved without considerable wealth and free time. What I wish I saw more -  or any of - is you talking about the women who helped you raise that baby.

I worked as a “high-profile” nanny for a while and saw a lot of what goes on behind the curtain.  I can tell you that just because a mother has two full time nannies per child it doesn’t mean that mother loves her child any less. I can tell you that just because a mother isn’t able to put her child to bed for weeks at time because of a demanding job or shoot, doesn’t mean she is any less a mother. I don’t have a problem with you using all the help you can get. I have a problem with you pretending you don’t use it.

Don’t be ashamed you have all this help, normalize that you have all this help. You and I both know how many “candid paparazzi shots” are actually highly coordinated with multiple nannies standing by or how many social media posts are actually pictures taken by the nanny. I understand the reluctance to make public how much help you have. It might make you seem spoiled or out of touch or a “bad mother”. Let’s shut that down. Stand up and call bullshit on the idea if a parent has help they are somehow an inadequate parent. Every parent needs help. Of course you have an army of nannies. Don’t hide it, share it. Share the stories of how these relationships helped you. Tell other mothers about how your nanny and night nurse helped you and your child’s relationship. Tell other mothers about how having that kind of help also probably helped your marriage and no doubt your career.

Help dismantle the myth that a mother can succeed in a vacuum. Help normalize needing help. Value the women who live in your home, who help you be a mother, who help you love your children and who help you work. Value the mothers who idolize you enough to be honest about how you “have it all”.

Unlikely to be hired again,

Katie